The Count's World 18: Perfect World
by The Great Allie
Summary: Dimentio finds himself in an unusual world for an unknown reason and must find his way back... that is, assuming he wants to go back.
1. 18 dash 1

Dimentio awoke in a strange bedroom with the mother of all migraines and no memory of what he had been doing the night before.

Normally this would be incredibly questionable and suggest events taking place that probably shouldn't be shared in polite company. But Dimentio wasn't the type to take any sort of enjoyment from those sorts of activities, and the mystery of where he was and what he had been doing would probably be something that our younger readers would be all right reading. In any case, Dimentio sat up to take in his surroundings, hoping they would provide an important clue to the mystery. Then he grabbed his head and slowly lay back down. Above him was an unfamiliar silk bed canopy that he stared at for a long time as he let the nausea subside.

The room he was in was lavishly ornate. He was lying on the right half of an enormous four-poster bed, with white satin sheets and a soft, Goonie-down quilt over him. The curtains were not drawn, and sunlight streamed in through the cathedral windows. On the left half of the bed, the covers had been rumpled and turned back, as if someone had been bunking there and gotten up. Around him, the walls were adorned with paintings unfamiliar to Dimentio but of a certain Renaissance quality that hinted at their true value, though the colors blurred together leaving him unable to discern the subjects. The bedroom seemed to be one belonging to a king, or else an emperor. Why he was here? He wasn't either of those things, and there was far too much color and light for this to be Castle Bleck.

The door opened and a red Shy Guy let himself in. Dimentio was startled to see that the Shy Guy's mask was exactly like his own face, black and light split down the middle. "My Lord, how are you feeling?" the Shy Guy asked.

Dimentio put his hand on his chest in a subtle _who, me?_ gesture.

"You seemed very unwell when we tried to rouse you this morning."

Dimentio was about to begin asking questions: who are you, where am I, what kind of place is this, who brought me here, blah blah blah. But something about the situation frightened Dimentio. And when he was afraid, he knew it was certain doom to let on what his weaknesses were. The best thing he could do was play along as if he was completely in control of the situation, and figure out what he could. If anybody sensed that something was wrong, they would be all over him.

But he had no idea what to do. "Er... well, now that you mention it, I still have a rather terrible headache. And I'm very thirsty. Do you think you could-"

The Shy Guy bowed so low his mask touched the floor. "Of course!" he chirped. "I'll be back momentarily!" With that he bolted out of the room.

Dimentio lay back down and looked to his left. There was a nightstand there, a stained glass lamp and a leather book atop it. Dimentio opened the book and was surprised to see his own handwriting in it.

_Day: XO  
__Weather: Perfect  
__Mood: Fabulous  
__The palace refurbishments are nearly complete. I hope that, when they are finished, we can open the doors to the public again. I do so miss their adoration in the halls._

Dimentio frowned. All that told him was that he was indeed in a palace, which he could have guessed. He turned the page back.

_Day: OX  
__Weather: Perfect  
__Mood: Pleased  
__She asked me what form she should take. I told her to surprise me, always surprise me. It delights me what she comes up with.  
__Dinner was dreadful. This world is perhaps not as stable as I hoped it would be, but my advisers say it will sort itself out soon. I know magic, and this is nothing serious. Just... imperfection. But I hate imperfection. I wanted to blight it out-_

"I'm back, My Lord!"

Dimentio slammed the book closed and tossed it sloppily onto the nightstand. He felt embarrassed, as if he had been caught snooping somewhere he shouldn't. Did it count as your own diary if you didn't remember writing in it?

In any case, the Shy Guy came scampering up to his bed. He had a glass of water and two pieces of dry toast. "For your stomach," he explained.

Dimentio took the water and as it passed over his lips, he realized just how incredibly thirsty he was. The water tasted sweet as super soda to him. At least some of the headache was, Dimentio surmised, due to dehydration. He finished the water and turned his attention to the toast. Though the thought of putting anything into his stomach made it turn flip-flops, he took a bite and was surprised that as soon as he tasted it, his stomach immediately settled down. When the water and toast were gone, Dimentio felt much better.

The Shy Guy was still standing there watching him, little triangle hand stubs clasped in front of his waist. "Is there anything else I can do for you, m'lord?" he asked eagerly.

Dimentio frowned as he thought of how best to phrase this question. If he was too forward and he did not have that power, he would raise unwanted attention to himself. However, if he was too meek, and they were ready to offer him that power, he would lose his high status in the eyes of his subordinates. Either way, he had to act exactly like they expected him to, without knowing exactly how they expected him to act.

_Perhaps you could just ask what's going on,_ he thought. But no. They would prey upon weakness given the chance. Everyone would. Even Count Bleck had. So had Dimentio, far more than once.

"Tell me," said Dimentio casually, "are the grounds ready for a tour?"

The Shy Guy swallowed nervously. Dimentio felt that he had acted out of character, but he couldn't quite place why. Instead of elaborating, he waited patiently for the Shy Guy to speak, to tell him indirectly what he had done wrong.

"Well," said the Shy Guy nervously, after a long pause, "you know... normally you give us a few days of warning before you want to inspect us-"

"Oh, no, no, you misunderstand me," Dimentio said lightly. "I do not wish to run a formal inspection. I just feel like getting my bearings on things. This would be completely off the record."

"Off the record, huh?" The Shy Guy looked skeptical, but he shrugged. "All right... if you insist. But... really off the record, right?"

"Absolutely. Off the record. I just feel like enjoying my surroundings."

"If you say so." The Shy Guy frowned. Clearly Dimentio was acting unusually, but not too unusual as to raise real suspicion. He was also beginning to feel conformation that, wherever he was, the people here took him to be in charge. But how could they, if he hadn't been here?

But he _had_. The diary had his handwriting. It described him doing things. Living here.

But he never _kept_ a diary.

Perhaps something had happened to cause him to come here, and a separate thing had happened to cause him to lose his memories?

No, the answer had to be simpler. The two things had to be related. What were the odds that two bizarre, life-changing events would happen independently so close together? If they were indeed close together.

But how could one have caused the other? Or, what one thing could cause two such different events?

Dimentio's head was spinning. He lay back down on his pillow and crossed his arms over his face.

"Perhaps you aren't feeling up to a tour this morning?" suggested the Shy Guy gently. He tried to mask it as concern for Dimentio's well-being, but they both knew he simply wanted to discourage Dimentio from snooping around. The problem was, only one of them knew why.

"Yes," said Dimentio. "I think I need... a bit more time to myself. Come back later, please."

"Of course." The Shy Guy bowed and scurried out of the room, leaving Dimentio alone with his thought.

He lay there for a long time, staring up at the canopy and going back in his memories. He could remember a yesterday, but he wasn't sure if it was today's yesterday. Waking up, arguing over breakfast, showing off his dimensional prowess to the less gifted minions... nothing unusual at all. He wasn't even certain as to when his memories cut off.

Suddenly, he sat up, his hands feeling around his pockets before he consciously realized he was looking for his Mailbox SP. When he found it, he punched in Count Bleck's number and a quick message: _I don't know where I am. Please come and find me._ Then he mashed _send_ and lay back down on his pillow.

A minute later, the SP buzzed. Dimentio was so excited his heart skipped a beat as he opened it and read the reply:

_Unable to send message. Reason: unrecognized number._

His heart sank. Slowly and sadly, Dimentio closed the SP and tucked it away. Then he lay back down, squeezed his eyes closed, and tried to go back to sleep.


	2. 18 dash 2

_Look, seventeen is my favorite number. Seventeen is the new eighteen. I'm sorry. It's eighteen now._

* * *

An hour later, Dimentio was up, cleaned, and dressed in fresh clothing. He had a closet full of purple and yellow, all tailored to fit him perfectly. The clothes seemed exactly like his usual clothes at first glance, though looking closely revealed they were much fancier than anything he ever wore before. The edges were gilded and the fabric was made of rare pider silk instead of rough sleepy sheep wool. Also, instead of plain purple and yellow with sparkles, there were patterns of intricate vines and flowers woven into the cloth. His shoes were soft and delicate, clearly not made for walking. Not that he ever did walk, but his normal shoes were nowhere near this nice.

Outside of his room was a long hallway which stretched endlessly to the left and right of his room. The entire far wall was windows, letting Dimentio see the landscape: a crystal clear lake, a row of mountains behind it, and a calm blue sky above them. He could see palace grounds of lush green gardens, and beyond that a village in the distance. Inside the hallway were marble pillars, a cathedral ceiling, and more fantastic works of art.

Beside his room was a portrait that interested Dimentio greatly. It showed a throne room, and sitting on the throne, rendered in exquisite detail, was Dimentio holding a brown staff with a jeweled top. _That's the Count's staff!_ Dimentio realized excitedly. Beside him was a tall, slender Jester woman who looked much like him. Her mask face was softer and more feminine, and she was more willowy than he was.

Dimentio suddenly remembered the bed this morning, how it had been slept in on both sides. His stomach clenched with the sudden realization of what those two things meant. He slowly reached out and touched the painting. To his surprise, it wasn't canvas under his fingers but wood. "I am a king here," he whispered, "and I have a queen."

This was all wrong. Where was Count Bleck? Where was Nastasia? Where were Mimi and O'Chunks and Tippi? Where was Castle Bleck, Dimension Bleck? Where was home?

But at the same time, he was king. There was no denying this was a pretty sweet deal. King, yes, but of what world? Perhaps the deal wasn't as wonderful as all that.

Still, though...

Another Shy Guy rounded the corner. This one, to Dimentio, looked exactly like the one from earlier, but when it said, "Oh! I'm surprised to see you up, Your Lordship. I had heard you were feeling unwell," Dimentio guessed it was a completely different person.

"Is there anything interesting on the agenda today?"

"Just to enjoy another one of your perfect days," said the Shy Guy.

_One of _my _perfect days?_ Dimentio wondered with a nervous edge. He had a sneaking suspicion he knew what the Shy Guy was talking about.

"Where are the records kept?" asked Dimentio, suddenly not caring if he looked like he didn't know what he was doing. He just needed the answer.

The Shy Guy looked flustered. "Where? Um, the same place they're always kept..." He trailed off as he saw Dimentio's angry face. "I mean, in the vault! Under the castle! Is- is that not right?"

Dimentio covered his face with his hands for a moment, and when they took them away, he had his normal calm, composed, annoyingly cheerful face on. "Yes. Of course they are. Thank you for playing along."

The Shy Guy laughed nervously.

"I'm going to go and..."

"... find the scholar to open the doors?" suggested the Shy Guy.

"Yes," agreed Dimentio. "The usual place?"

"In the library."

"Of course." He turned around and floated down the halls, leaving the confused Shy Guy behind.

* * *

The castle, Dimentio found, had the same layout as Castle Bleck. He found himself floating through the halls with ah eerily familiar sense of where he was and where he was going. At first he was just floating around looking for something, but when he realized he knew exactly where he was at all times, instead of comforting him it made him feel even more out of place.

Suddenly, on his way to Castle Bleck's library, he turned around and went straight to the Meeting Room. Here, instead of an empty expanse with pedestals, he saw that it was an open room with stained glass windows on the far wall. There were eight windows with sunlight streaming through them, casting light in every color of the rainbow into the white room. They depicted scenes which made Dimentio uncomfortable: A purple void, a world beneath it, eight pure hearts, an idyllic countryside, Dimentio in all his glory...

Above each window was a stone heart set into the wall.

"What happened to the Pure Hearts?" he asked out loud. Last he knew, they were bouncing all around creation, spreading love and goodness free after being trapped in one place for so long. It didn't take a genius to connect the eight stone hearts in the wall to signify something bad happening to the embodiment of love.

"Beautiful, isn't it?"

Dimentio turned around saw that the willowy jester woman from the portrait was now standing just inside the doorway. She slowly glided over towards him, her toes skimming the ground. When she got to him, she reached her fingers out and lightly ran them over his shoulder.

"Yes," he said smoothly.

"Another perfect day." She wrapped her arm around his shoulder and pulled him close. "Feeling much better, I trust?"

"Oh, much," Dimentio agreed. He didn't like her touching him. He didn't really like _anyone_ touching him, really, but this was particularly uncomfortable. He didn't even know her name. "Now, I was just heading to the library when I got sidetracked..."

"Aww," pouted the woman, still holding him close. She ran her hands slowly down his back in a frankly suggestive way that gave Dimentio chills, both the bad kind _and_ the good kind, at the same time. "You're always running off to some library or conference or disaster. You never have time for me."

"Soon, my pet." Dimentio had no idea if that was what he ever called her, but he had a feeling that if he ever had a significant other, that would be the sort of pet name he would use. That or "my puni little pider," thought just thinking of using that now made the light purple of his face turn pink. "It's a matter of utmost importance."

"Of course it is," she sighed, letting him go. Dimentio loosened up a little when she did. "It always is when you're the emperor."

Hearing his title sent a shiver down his spine. It felt right, somehow. The fact that it did scared him. "Yes... but directly after, I'll meet you. I promise." The lie came easily.

She leaned in and kissed him, straight on the mouth. Then she giggled and disappeared in a flip.

As soon as she was gone, Dimentio wiped his mouth. He couldn't stand contact with others.

* * *

"I'm so glad you came," said Bookworm.

Bookworm was a long, lime green and purple striped worm with oversized whirly glasses and spindly, curly arms. Dimentio had never seen the likes of him before, and couldn't imagine what kind of world he came from, but all that was put aside in favor of the fact that Bookworm had the books and he knew what was going on.

"I've been asking for years, you know to have you go over everything, make sure the records are kept to your liking. It's your story, after all. You deserve to know that it's all going down right."

Bookworm slithered through the library, and Dimentio followed. The library was enormous. The vaulted ceiling hung above them higher than any ceiling in Castle Bleck, higher than the clouds it seemed like. The shelves stretched all the way up, covering every inch of wall that wasn't dedicated to windows letting in as much light as possible. If gravity weren't such a harsh mistress, there would be bookshelves on the ceiling.

They were nearly completely empty.

This library had enough room to hold all the books ever written, and it was empty.

"Curiouser and curiouser," murmured Dimentio.

"Beg pardon?" Bookworm glanced back.

"Nothing," said Dimentio.

They arrived at a tiny corner of the library, under a balcony that held presumably more books. This corner had a small door behind a stand-alone bookshelf. Bookworm pulled a rather thick book off the shelf and opened it. To Dimentio's surprise, it was hollowed out and contained a silver key. He handed the key to Dimentio. "Today this is the key, and it's Door Red Seven. Be sure to leave before midnight, or the way out will be over in Wilx County. Quite a hike back."

"Thank you," said Dimentio. "And, if anyone asks-"

"Natch," agreed Bookworm. "I know the drill." He traced a line across his throat with his tail.

Dimentio gulped. Just what was in this archive? Even though he knew that the one dispensing justice would likely be himself, and he had little to fear from himself, it still was a heavy situation.

Bookworm pat Dimentio on the back and then gave him a nudge out the door, and then closed it behind him. Dimentio looked down in his hands at the key. "And what good does this do me?" he groused. "Red Seven, what does that even-" He stopped as soon as he looked up and saw where he was.

He was standing in a hallway filled with doors. This hallway stretched on, but it also split off in the left and right. A quick peek down these hallways showed that they split off at their left and right, and on who knows how long. The walls were filled with doors. Green doors, pink doors, blue doors, purple doors, brown doors, all colors of doors, each one with a different number on the front. Down the left hall, to the right, was a door that was both red and bore the number "seven." He put his key in the lock, turned it, heard a click, and opened it. Inside was a stairway down..

Dimentio paused, and then closed the door. He turned to the door next to red seven, a blue one with the number 9. He put the key in the lock, turned the key, and unlocked this one. Behind it was a brick wall. Dimentio shook his head and went back to red seven.

The stairs went down impossibly far, farther than he felt comfortable with, but he kept going until he reached the ground. He lit a torch on the wall and looked at this underground chamber. The walls were made of stone, arching upwards. The ceiling was not very high at all. Contrasted to the ceiling of the library, it was positively claustrophobic.

There were eight filing cabinets, each one labeled: YEAR1, YEAR2, YEAR3, and so on. The room was cavernously empty, even with the comparatively low ceiling.

Dimentio pulled open the most recent one, YEAR8, and looked inside. There were folders in it, labeled mundane things like "population by region," "almanac," "record of birth," "record of death," "instances of imperfection," "crop statistics," and so on and so on. There were population distribution maps, weather records, birth certificates, death certificates, all very boring really.

Wait. Go back.

Dimentio thumbed through the folders until he found one that suddenly seemed wrong. "Instances of Imperfection." Slowly, he opened it.

First there was a weather map, plotting rain currents. This was followed by a report about drought conditions in the area of the map untouched by the rain current. After that was an accounting report over four quarters, showing the decrease of crops. Dimentio tilted his head and squinted, as if this was something he couldn't quite see. At the end was a description of a detailed magic spell Dimentio knew that could change the pattern of weather, provided you had enough power and help. Apparently he had, because this was labeled "positively resolved."

The next packet under "instances of imperfection" was a status sheet cross-referenced to a "record of death" under the name Milo Underbridge. Dimentio opened the "record of death" folder and found Underbridge, Milo.

_Name: Underbridge, Milo  
__Date of Birth: original  
_[here were generic stats about his sex, height, weight, physical attributes, and so on]  
_Date of Death: Month 7, Day 24, Year 8  
__Cause of Death: Dissent_

That was it.

Dimentio put the folders away and opened YEAR1. He checked all the folders, but couldn't find one for "record of birth." Instead, there was one whole drawer for "originals." Inside it was the same as the record of death for Milo, only without the date and cause of death, and nothing for date of birth.

Dimentio closed the drawer and left.

* * *

Dimentio flopped down face-first on his bed, mashing his face into his pillow. He tried so hard to empty his mind, to not understand what he had just seen.

_Have I been gone for eight years?_

It was impossible. He remembered eight years ago, and while the memory still stung as if it were fresh, the details had softened. He no longer remembered vividly the pain of defeat at the hands of the heroes, only the dullest ache of it. But hanging around the castle, watching the minions goofing around and casually participating? That was fresh. The details were intense, they were present, they were, well, _there_. He could remember exactly what he said to O'Chunks before demonstrating his dimensional prowess, could smell the thick warrior musk and the wisp of Mimi's perfume alongside it. But what he said to the heroes before he attempted to vanquish them? Not even close. Something about a greeting card? Maybe?

He felt the other side of the bed depress. Dimentio peered out and saw someone sitting down on the side opposite him. The jester woman. His queen.

Dimentio looked up.

"Well?" she asked quietly. "Didn't you say directly after?"

Dimentio sighed and rolled over onto his back. "I suppose I did."

"Do you no longer like this shape?" she asked. She leaned in close, putting her face near his neck, and kissed him softly. It send a chill through him. "You know I can change it anytime for you."

"No," said Dimentio. "That isn't it. You should just... be yourself."

"Be myself?"

"Or whoever you want to be. I don't know."

"Whatever pleases you, my darling."

Next to Dimentio was a puff of purple smoke. "Well?"

Dimentio glanced at her out of the corner of his eyes, then did a double-take. He sat up and stared, blinking rapidly and shaking his head to see if he was mistaken.

Mimi was sitting on the bed next to him.


	3. 18 dash 3

Trees. Grass. Lakes. Mountains. In the sky, mathematical formulas floated, teasing him with hints about the makeup of the world. It wasn't here. It wasn't right.

He passed a large lake, with some cheep-cheeps, bloopers, and starslaps. Two toads were out on a fishing boat, pulling in nets filled with their catch. Dimentio paused and watched. There was something quaint about it that calmed him.

Curious, and unseen by those below, he floated into the town. He landed on a cobblestone street, the main thoroughfare of the settlement. He saw people going about their business. It was a town like any other, one that existed in every dimension he'd ever seen, in one way or another.

Dimentio leaned against a storefront. Inside it sold beautiful outfits and accessories. Quietly, he strolled in and snatched the first concealing garment he could, after making sure no eyes were on him. He covered himself in a blue cloak and went back out onto the street. A koopa was passing by just as he left, and Dimentio flagged him down. "Excuse me, stranger," he said in a deep, husky voice. "Are you happy here?"

The koopa looked confused. "What? Of course I am! Why wouldn't I be? Everything here is perfect."

"Perfect?" asked Dimentio.

"Uh, yeah."

"What would you say is your favorite thing about living here?"

"Just one? Oh, I don't know... I mean, the weather is always great... there's never any crime ever, everybody is so nice... and there's a lot of variety, I mean, I was just living in the desert last week and now I live by the castle."

"Is that really what it's like here?"

"You knew here or something?"

"Oh, yes."

"Huh..." The koopa looked over his shoulder and then leaned in. "You don't come from Beyond the Vanishing Point, do you?"

"Beg pardon?"

"You know... the end of the dimension. Where Old Man Resistance hides."

"Oh! Heavens, no! I was- oh, dear. How unfortunate an implication! I hope the wrong person doesn't misunderstand me. Anyway, I must be going." Dimentio hustled off around a corner, tore his cloak off, and took off through the sky again.

On and on he floated, past the city around the castle, past the townships, and past the rural settlements, until he was in a blank and empty part of the world that had little more than ground and sky nestled in rocks. Dimentio had no idea what he was looking for, or what he was running from anymore.

Nestled under a jutting cliff by a waterfall was a stone house. Dimentio stopped as soon as he sensed it, for it was different from the rocks surrounding it. The stone itself didn't make it a house, but there were curtains, a welcome mat, a cute little garden out front with a cobblestone path, that all made it seem very cozy.

The stone was giving off a strange aura, not unlike the aura surrounding the dormant pure hearts.

Dimentio landed on the front mat. He didn't ask, didn't knock, he just entered.

Right away a blast of magic came straight at him. Dimentio moved his head aside to keep from being hit.

"So, you've found me at last," said someone darkly.

"I don't know you," Dimentio replied.

A head peered up from behind a living room couch situated not far from the door. Dimentio wasn't taking in his surroundings very well; it was as if the world was floating around him, with random things appearing and disappearing. But the head he recognized. It was the head of Merlon, the holder of the Light Prognosticus, who aided the heros in defeating him not so very long ago.

"I knew you'd come here one day, but my vow still stands." Merlon stepped out from behind the couch, his hands already casting another spell. "I will never divulge the location of the Light Prognosticus. If I should be wiped from existence, well, so be it. I accept my fate. But I will not allow you to-"

"Oh, be quiet!"

Merlon was, so surprised at Dimentio's tactless outburst.

"I have no idea what you're going on about," said Dimentio crossly, "and I don't care. I have no idea where I am, and I don't know what's going on, or where my fr- my fellow minions are, or the Count, or- or-" Dimentio's voice caught. He took a calming breath, but his vision was getting suddenly blurry.

Merlon lowered his hands slightly, very suspicious. "What angle is this?"

Dimentio wiped his eyes with his arm. "Don't be foolish," he sniffed. "I just thought this house was a little- a little strange, that's... that's all..." He wiped his eyes again.

Merlon dissipated the spell. "Dimentio... I don't know what you're trying to-"

Dimentio sat down on the floor and put his hands behind his head. "I'm not trying to anything! I just want to go home! Look, I'm not hurting you! I'm not doing anything! I just want to know what's going on!"

Merlon stared at him for a long time, the silence between them as stony as the house itself. Finally, Merlon turned around, left, and returned a second later with a pair of shackles. "These are a device of my own creation. I invented them, in case I ever managed to get the upper hand on you, to sap you of your power." He paused. "If you let me put them on, we can talk."

"Yes," said Dimentio. "Do that."

* * *

Ten minutes later, Dimentio's wrists were shackled, as were his ankles. He was sitting in Merlon's surprisingly cozy sitting room. There was a small sofa, two floral easy chairs, a fire, and a one-legged table with tea cookies on a doily. Dimentio couldn't eat them all chained up, and the shackles eliminated all of his magic, so every now and again Merlon would put a small piece in his mouth.

There was a window with pink curtains and a flower box behind him. It was a perfect day outside.

"When I woke up this morning, everything was wrong. I was in this palace with-" He paused. "No. I assume you know how it _is_. I must tell you how it _ought_ to be."

Merlon nodded.

"You see... I live in a dark castle with Count Bleck and the minions."

"Count Bleck is alive?" Merlon perked up.

"Yes."

"But what happened in his plans to erase the world?"

"He was... rather unsuccessful. Mario beat him in a fight. At that point, it was my intention to step in and, with the power of the Pure Hearts gone, I would be unstoppable. I squared off against the combined powers of the heroes and..."

"And?" Merlon leaned in.

"And I was defeated. Count Bleck and Tippi were married, and their act of love countered my last offence. They were brought to a paradise where their love would live on without being disturbed. He returned, though. They both did. And together, with their former minions... and myself... they now work to make the world a better place by solving problems and spreading love."

Dimentio held his tongue out. Merlon placed a piece of cookie on it. Dimentio nodded in thanks as he chewed.

"I see," said Merlon. "In that case, I think I understand why you're so confused about where you are."

Dimentio leaned slightly closer.

Merlon cleared his throat. He seemed quite uncomfortable by this news. "You see, in this world, in my memories, in this history..."

"Yes?"

"You won."

Dimentio tilted his head back slightly. "I won." He felt like he already knew that.

"The heroes fought valiantly and bravely, but it was not enough. You were able to eliminate them all."

"So, in this reality, they're dead?"

"In this reality, they are _erased_."

"And the Count?"

"Erased, as well as Tippi and Nastasia, and all the others."

"Except Mimi." Dimentio looked down. "But something's happened to her. She is not the same."

"You erased all other worlds and created this one in its place, and populated it with people you deemed worthy, of people who had attained perfection in some form. Some of them were transferred from their worlds, erasing their memories to keep them from resenting what you did, some of them you created from scratch. Once you brought them here, you realized that the world couldn't remain perfect without your guidance so you appointed yourself in charge and have been keeping the world in line ever since."

"And... you say I want the Light Prognosticus?"

Merlon nodded. "In order to keep your world stable, to counteract anything that might threaten it. You want it to seal your power. With both the Light and Dark Prognostici, you would be unstoppable."

"I'm certain I would be."

Merlon took a long sip of tea. "The only question I have right now is, why don't you know any of this?" He pondered for a few minutes. Dimentio waited patiently. "Tell me what you remember happening before you woke up in the castle.

"What I remember?' Dimentio closed his eyes and tilted his head back. "What I remember..." He tried once again to access his memories, and he found this time they came a bit more easily, though still surrounded by a bit of haze...

* * *

Dimentio was sitting on the back of the couch in the game room, watching Mimi try to teach O'Chunks to warp, so he wouldn't have to travel with his fartrocket anymore. "No, you just gotta turn like this," she said. She spun sideways slowly, so O'Chunks could watch. Then he turned like her, but tripped when his ankles didn't rotate right, and fell down.

Dimentio laughed. "Ah, O'Chunks, your pratfalling reminds me of the antics of a humorous clown after a particularly punful quip. You'll never learn how to warp if you take instruction from her."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Mimi snapped.

"Simply that if he wants to learn the fine art of dimensional travel, he should talk to the most refined expert in this dimension."

"Yeah, but Count Bleck is too busy to teach him."

Dimentio sputtered, "What? Him? The Count? I was referring to _me_, you foolish little- child! I am the Master of Dimensions! I am the one who can bend entire realities to my will! I am the one who-"

O'Chunks waved his hand dismissively. "Yeah, yeah, yer a regular magician. Everyone knows the Count is the real dimension master."

"When my pride is at stake, I have no choice but to intervene." Dimentio stood up in midair. "Name me a dimension. In one minute I will have returned with a souvenir.

"Cragland," said O'Chunks.

Dimentio vanished. Half a minute later, he re-appeared with an autographed stone tablet of Flint Cragley.

"Too easy," said Mimi. "Try the Whoa Zone."

Dimentio vanished again. Forty-five seconds later he returned with a golden Choco-bar. He tossed it to Mimi.

She unwrapped it and bit in, but said, "You know, choco-bars aren't actually in the Whoa Zone."

"This one was," replied Dimentio.

"I need more proof," said Mimi.

Dimentio disappeared. Fifty-eight seconds later, he returned holding out his Mailbox SP. He tossed to Mimi, who stuffed the last of the chocolate bar into her mouth before catching it. On the screen of the mailbox was a picture Dimentio had just snapped, of himself in front of the statue of Squirpina XIV.

"How come I don't get a choco bar?" asked O'Chunks.

"Because it was her idea," said Dimentio.

"Well, then, I also dare you to go to-"

"No, sorry, too late."

"Aww."

"This is too easy," said Mimi. "Sure, you can do all this stuff, but so can we."

"Except me," O'Chunks interjected.

"Yeah. If you want the title Master of Dimensions, we're going to have to see something way more impressive."

"Way more impressive, hm?" Dimentio thought about that. "Well, I have been working on an interesting little trick."

"Oh yeah, what?" quipped O'Chunks. "Catching a treat off yer nose?" Mimi giggled; O'Chunks guffawed.

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that," said Dimentio. "Lady and gentleman, I am going to show you how to travel through _all_ the dimensions... _at once!_"

"All of 'em at once?" O'Chunks sounded impressed. "How are yeh gonna pull that one off?"

"With magic!" Dimentio sounded like he had been hoping they would ask. "You see, I have been practicing a very tricky spell indeed, very dark... and it's just enough to propel me through the dimensional fabric of every known universe."

"How will we know that's what you did?"

"Oh, you'll know, you'll know... you're going to be able to see where it is I travel to."

"Um, how often do you do this kind of thing?" Mimi asked.

"Truthfully? I haven't tried it yet. However, the technology is sound. The theory is bulletproof. I see no reason why anything could possibly fail."

"Famous last words."

"Oh, do be quiet." Dimentio held his hands apart and slowly expanded them. In his hand was a mass of dark energy, slowly leaking purple bubbles.

"I don't know if this is such a good idea," said Mimi.

"Well. I do." Dimentio threw the ball. The gauntlet was down, after all, so he pretty much had to. It splattered against the invisible dimensional wall. "See you on the other side," Dimentio crowed, and jumped through.

When he opened his eyes, he had the mother of all migraines and no memory of what he had been doing.

* * *

"I believe something else happened between the time I jumped through the hole and when I woke up," said Dimentio.

Merlon said nothing. He put another piece of cookie on Dimentio's tongue, and then got up and went into the next room. Dimentio waited patiently for him to return, though it took quite a bit longer than he would have liked. Eventually, though, Merlon did return. He was holding an old, dusty book in his hands. When he dropped it on the little table, a small gray cloud puffed out from around it.

"What have you got there?" Dimentio asked.

"There is a theory," said Merlon slowly, "about dimensions. That not all dimensions are separate worlds existing on another plane. Dimensions that are created by catastrophic magic that affects the nature of time itself. It is possible that the pure hearts were unable to stop you completely. Instead, when they tried, they created a rip in the dimensional fabrics that split into two timelines in two different dimensions, separated by unknowable boundaries: one in which you succeeded, and one in which you failed. In this way they were able to stop you and protect the power of love, even if only in one reality."

"So... my world, my reality... that isn't the real... that is..."

Merlon shook his head. "No. All realities are equally valid. Yours is no more the copy than this one is. And even if it were, all that matters is that you belong to it. It is yours, and it is real. And that is enough."

"But if I'm here, and I traveled to this world... why is this universe's version of me not here?"

"From what I understand, in all my studies, each being has a unique dimensional code, aura if you will, that makes them unique among all others. Only one person with that code is allowed to exist in the dimension at a time. So when the two met, they merged together into one. When you traveled here, on some subconscious or astral level, you squared off against this world's Dimentio, and your consciousness was more powerful. It won. I'd wager that the trauma of that is what caused your headache, and possibly rattled your memories."

"You mean... is this my body or some other Dimentio's?"

"It's hard to say without knowing what separate changes might have happened to it since it split, but I think it's actually the body of this universe's Dimentio."

"And... where is the consciousness of the other Dimentio?"

"Dormant. It's a part of you, but not the dominant part. You are every bit that Dimentio as you are the one from your dimension. I believe that the longer you remain here, the more your two consciousnesses will blend. Soon you will likely even regain his memories, slowly but surely. It's a lot for one mind to take in at once."

Dimentio moved his hand to touch his head, forgetting that he was restrained. His hand stiffly fought the shackles before he gave up. "You're right. That _is _a lot to take in."

"But anyway, if you remember what you did, you should be able to get back easily enough." Merlon paused. "That is, if you want to go back."

"Of course I do."

Merlon was surprised. "But this world is your perfect world, your ideal landscape. This is what you were fighting for."

"That may have been the case years ago," said Dimentio, "but let's just say my idea of what a perfect world is has changed somewhat lately. Please don't ask me to elaborate. I don't understand it myself." He cleared his throat. "Tell me, what happens here, to this place, when I leave?"

"This universe's Dimentio takes control of the body, likely without remembering much of what happened, and goes back to ruling. And I go back to fighting him."

"I see." Dimentio looked down. "This world... it isn't perfect for everyone, is it?"

"No," said Merlon darkly. "It is only perfect because you threaten otherwise."

"The people here seem happy enough."

"You ripped them from their worlds and stole their past from them. They know no better to be happy, and if they are not, they are eliminated. You must have seen your hall of records. My latest hero Milo Underbridge only came to ask you to for a small piece of land out here beyond the vanishing point. We couldn't even have that."

"Then I can't just leave it like this. I can't sentence you to continue to suffer under me, whatever me that may be." Dimentio held up his arms. "These shackles, you designed them to take away my magic, right?"

"Yes. Are they working?"

"As well as a graduate student on his thesis, thank you. And you say that the other Dimentio will take control of this very same body when he returns."

"I theorize."

"Then you have already won."

"What are you getting at?"

"Simply this- that you must send me home with the shackles on."

Merlon's eyes widened. "So that our Dimentio will be captured... when he... good gracious, man, do you realize what you're saying?"

"I do. Do no tell me what you plan on doing with him once I'm gone. I don't wish to know. The only problem, of course, is that I cannot perform my magic with these on, but I cannot leave without them or else you will never get them back on me."

"Tell me exactly what you did," said Merlon. "Describe the spell to me in explicit detail."

Dimentio began rattling off his method for creating magic, how he designed the spell, how it was cast, and everything he could think of. The entire time Merlon was scribbling furious notes in the margins of his books, trying to get every little detail.

When he finished, Merlon picked up the book and looked hard at the notes. "This is... very advanced magic, to say the least."

"Thank you." Dimentio bowed.

"But I think I grasp the basic premise. In fact, I think I might be able to cast some form of it myself... with the luck of the ancients on my side." Merlon suddenly darkened, and he glared at Dimentio. "But if this is another one of your tricks, so help me..."

Dimentio shrank in his seat, purposefully trying to look as pitiful as possible without looking like he was trying. It wasn't that hard.

"Let us waste no time, then," said Merlon. "I fear that if we dally, you may find yourself identifying more and more with your old self. Er, your other self."


	4. 18 dash 4

Merlon had an old cart out by his stone house. It was filled with straw, which made for an itchy, uncomfortable seat. They both agreed that nobody should see Dimentio captured, lest full-scale fighting break out over the perceived attack, so Dimentio would be hiding under the straw. He was not happy about this.

"It's for the best if you aren't seen," Merlon told Dimentio. "Some people are working with him to restore freedom to the world. I can't tell you who, just in case."

Merlon wasn't completely isolated from everyone. Just over the pass lived a red yoshi. Dimentio wasn't allowed to meet him, but the yoshi was happy to help them pull the cart. Dimentio settled in for a long, bumpy, uncomfortable ride without seeing the sights. As he rode, he pondered what he had seen.

The truth was, he was intrigued by this. He had dreamed long about his perfect world for over a thousand years as he waited for the time to awaken the Chaos Heart to arrive. And certainly, he had been unsettled to be thrown in here headfirst with no introduction, but now that he was leaving, he felt a certain reluctance. Was he really going to just up and leave after just under a day of wandering around aimlessly?

Immediately he tried to squish the thought out of his head. He tried to think of his meeting with Jaydes, of his failure as Super Dimentio and the crushing, agonizing months of pain and destitution that followed. But thinking of Super Dimentio made him remember just how very, very close he had been to victory.

And how very, very close he was now.

"How do we get in without being seen?" Dimentio whispered to Merlon as the old wizard paid the Yoshi for his service just outside the castle gates. "I suppose we'll have to sneak in?"

"It must feel odd to have to sneak into your own castle," Merlon observed.

Dimentio shook his head. "This is in no way my castle."

Merlon nodded. "I keep forgetting, you aren't the Dimentio I know."

"And I keep forgetting I'm not the Dimentio I was."

Merlon reached into his cloak and pulled out a notebook and a pen. He started writing on it. Dimentio leaned over his shoulder to read. "Do you really think that's going to work?"

"It' worth a try," said Merlon. He ripped the page out, tacked it up on the side of the cart, and then climbed in and covered himself and Dimentio again with hay. To everyone on the outside, it looked as if it were an abandoned hay cart with a sign reading, "Please bring hay cart inside. Love, Dimentio."

They waited for an uncomfortably long time. "This isn't going to work~" Dimentio trilled.

"Shh," whispered Merlon.

Eventually, Dimentio felt a bump as the front of the cart bounced up. Then it rolled unevenly across the stone path, thumped up the steps, one, two, three, thump thump thump, and rolled to a stop on smooth, marble floors. They stayed still until the footsteps disappeared. Then Merlon poked his head up out of the hay. Dimentio peeked up, too. They were in the entryway of the castle.

"Told you," said Merlon.

"People here are so trusting," Dimentio observed.

"They have to be. Everyone must be friendly and honest and open. Or else."

"Sounds perfect."

"Except for the 'or else.' Come on. Where did you cast the spell?"

"I'm not completely certain," said Dimentio. "However, this castle seems to be a parallel to Count Bleck's castle in my world, and I know I cast it in the game room in that dimension."

"If I go to the place where you cast it, I might be able to sense some residue left over to help me with the spell. Lead me to your game room."

Dimentio slid out of the cart and began began to waddle. "I'm not sure how you're so familiar with my unique physiology. How do you know how my floating limbs are attached and grounded, to keep these shackles on?"

"You're similar to some of my extended relatives. Are you by any chance a descendent of the ancients?"

"I might be. They do have a lot of descendents, after all."

They snuck through the castle, ducking in alcoves or behind statues whenever someone passed by, so as to avoid an awkward encounter. Dimentio's legs were bound together but they didn't keep him from walking, just floating. He took short baby steps and could move quite fast given the circumstances. Still, he would be happy to get out of them and out of this world.

They made it to the game room, which in this world was a portrait room. There were portraits that Dimentio didn't recognize all over the walls, and fancy chaise lounges to sit on and enjoy them from. It was classy, through and through.

"This must be it," said Merlon. "I can tell a spell was cast here recently." He held his hands together. "Be ready," he said, "I'm not sure how long this will take, but you need to go as soon as I summon it."

"Hello?" said a new voice.

Merlon and Dimentio both spun around to see a shy guy standing in the doorway. Dimentio shrugged his poncho down low so that it was covering his shackles. No need to get sucked into an uncomfortable question and answer situation he couldn't participate honestly in.

"Lord Dimentio?" the shy guy said, slightly panicked, "What is the Enemy to Perfection doing here? Do I need to summon the guards?"

"That won't be necessary," said Dimentio quickly. "This isn't Merlon. Its just an illusion I conjured."

"Oh." The shy guy didn't seem satisfied.

"Can I help you?" asked Dimentio politely.

"Uh, I guess not." The shy guy backed out, closing the door.

"Whew." Merlon wiped his brow. "Hopefully there won't be any more interruptions."

Suddenly, there was a loud explosion so powerful it knocked both Dimentio and Merlon off their feet. "WHAT DID I JUST SAY?!"

Dimentio was now flat on his back. He flailed around a bit, trying to stand up, but unfortunately with the shackles on he was a bit like a shelled koopa.

Merlon got up easily and opened the door a crack. "There's trouble," he said darkly.

"Work on the spell," said Dimentio. "But first help me up!"

Merlon slammed the door and jumped back, moments before the wall was blown away. "Don't move a muscle!" someone commanded from the dust. Dimentio immediately stopped flailing.

When the dust settled, they could see four different creatures standing in the gaping hole where the wall used to be. A target-headed toad, a shy guy with a normal mask, a blue-shelled koopa, and an amayzee dayzee, all striking various fighting poses like some kind of Mario-themed sentai squad.

"We are here in the name of our fallen brother, Milo Underbridge!" declared Toad.

"He will be the last casualty of your reign of terror!" said Koopa.

"For too many years we have slaved under your misguided idea of perfection," said dayzee.

"Today is the day we fight back," finished Shy Guy, a bit quieter and more reserved than the others.

Dimentio arched his back so he could look at the group upside-down. "Oh. Hello. You seem to have caught me at a bad time..."

"No excuses! Stand up and fight!" Toad pulled out a large mallet.

"Wait," said Merlon. "You don't understand-"

"Merlon!" Koopa shouted. "How came you here? Are you going to stand alongside your brothers in resistance and fight?"

"Yes," said Merlon, "but we cannot fight. I must conjure a portal to send him-"

"Your non-violent ways aren't working!" said Toad. "Don't you see? The only way to end this is to end _him_!"

"No!"

Everyone turned around to find the source of the shriek. Mimi, as the jester woman, came running into the room through the blasted wall, and threw herself over Dimentio. "No! You can't!" she begged. "Not my beloved!'

Dimentio squirmed. "No need to be so dramatic," he grunted. "Could you help me up, please?"

"I won't let you!" Mimi sobbed. "If you want to kill him, you'll have to kill me first!"

"I have no qualms about that," said Dayzee. "You must both be defeated."

"This is very unlike you," Dimentio said to Mimi. "What exactly did I do to you? Oh, that's right. You wouldn't remember..."

"Please listen to me," said Merlon.

"Just be quiet and cast the spell!" snapped Dimentio.

Koopa pulled himself into the shell. Toad jumped on top of it, sending it spinning towards Dimentio and Mimi. It struck them both hard, knocking Mimi across the room and causing Dimentio to flip over onto his stomach. Fortunately, he was able to stand up from this he stood up, his poncho slipped enough to see the shackles.

"What is this?" Dayzee stepped forward and grabbed his hand. "Dimentio is already imprisoned?"

"Then the battle is won!" crowed Toad.

Merlon threw the spell, and a black and purple void opened.

"What is that sorcery!" cried Shy Guy.

"It's a trap! Merlon has summoned the void to end this world! He was going to erase not only Dimentio, but the world he created!"

Merlon grabbed Dimentio around the middle. "Just go! I'll explain it to them, as soon as you're back to your old self." Merlon threw Dimentio.

Dimentio squeezed his eyes shut and braced himself. He landed feet first on the floor.

Dimentio opened his eyes. He was still in the portrait room.

"Your plan failed!" Toad said smugly. "Traitors never prosper!"

Merlon pulled the book with all his notes on it out of his robe. "I don't know what I did wrong."

Mimi stood up, shakily. Dayzee grabbed her arms and held them behind her back and sang into her ear, causing her to slump over asleep.

Toad charged Dimentio with his hammer. "I'll finish this!" Dimentio dodged aside, tripped, and flopped back down on the ground on his belly.

"Uncuff me!" he shouted.

"What?"

"I'll send myself back! And you'll still have this Dimentio at your mercy. The resistance will see to that." Dimentio struggled to his feet as he spoke.

"Don't listen to him!"

Shy Guy kicked Koopa to Merlon. "I hate to do this..."

Dimentio slammed himself into the shell, knocking it off course and himself back onto the ground. "Also, I would like to be able to stand up on my own!"

Merlon knelt down and uncuffed Dimentio's arms and legs.

"Ah ha ha ha ha... oh, I already missed being myself so much!" Dimentio said as he floated above his enemies.

"What have you done?"

Dimentio created a dazzling ball of magic in his hands. "Well, well, well," he laughed. "This situation amuses me."

"Dimentio, you promised," warned Merlon.

"If I recall, I never _promised _anything," said Dimentio.

"You just can't trust him!" said Koopa, peeking out of his shell. "He's made of lies!"

"Will this ball take me home? Or will it crush my enemies?" He asked the question as if he himself didn't know.

He looked down at his enemies, frozen momentarily in fear. He looked at Mimi, sleeping in the corner. And finally he cast his eyes down to Merlon, who was watching him with solemn worry.

Dimentio sighed. "As if my mind hadn't been made up long ago. I'm tempted to stay, I really am. But I'd only be fooling myself." He threw the dazzle ball against the wall, opening up his portal. "I don't know what you're about to see, but I wish you luck." Dimentio swooped down and slapped the shackles back on. "Merlon!"

"Dimentio?"

"Take care of Mimi."

"I will."

Dimentio jumped.

* * *

Dimentio was spread eagle on the ground. So at least he knew his hands were free. The ground was cold and the ceiling was dark. He felt a migraine just behind his eyes.

"Dimentio?"

Dimentio sat up slowly and looked behind him. Count Bleck was standing there, looking concerned.

"Are you all right?" The Count's voice was very soft.

Dimentio rubbed his head. "I think so," he said. "I assume I'm back home, yes?"

"Yes," said Count Bleck.

Suddenly, Dimentio was tackled from the other side. "Dimentio!" squealed Mimi. "Ohmygosh! I can't believe you're back! I'm so happy!" She squeezed him tightly. "I thought we'd never see you again!"

Dimentio squirmed, trying to get free. "You've never been happy to see me, don't start now!"

Count Bleck came over and put one hand on Mimi's shoulder, one hand on Dimentio's, and slowly separated them. Then he crouched down to look Dimentio in the eyes. "Are you sure everything's all right?"

"Yes," said Dimentio. "Why do you ask?"

"Because I know you've been through a lot recently."

"Oh?"

"Yeah," said Mimi. "We saw where you went, just like you meant for us to."

Dimentio felt his face get hot. He looked down at the ground, not sure if he was angry or embarrassed.

"I saw where you went," said Count Bleck, "and I assumed you wouldn't want to come back."

"Well, you were wrong," said Dimentio. "After all... I came back once before."

* * *

_Thanks for joining me on this wild ride once again! See you next time- and yes, there will be a next time!_


End file.
